Sunday, August 19, 2007

Walmart Sells Bikes *RANT WARNING*

"Has the whole world gone crazy? I'm I the only one who gives a shit about the rules?"

-Walter Sobchek


I got an email from a friend about a decent looking carbon road bike for sale (cheap, of course) at Walmart. My reply was not particularly politically correct. Be forewarned, this is a rant. But just because it's a rant doesn't mean it isn't true.

If you buy anything from those oligarchical asswipes you are fully helping to aid the destruction of the last vestiges of any sort of civilization we perilously clinging to. The place is pure evil, well, unless you love closed-in suburban sprawl housing tracts filled with fat kids that can't leave their four block radius because there are no bike paths or sidewalks and they'll be killed by on overprotective soccer mom in her fucking Hummer. Or unless you eschew any sort of town center, ambiance, quality of living whatsoever.

I walked into a Costco for the second time in my life recently because they are the political "good guys" of the where house store world. I walked out 5 minutes later with the realization that society is dead. Or at least sliding quickly into oblivion. I mean, Christ, it's a place where life experience means absolutely nothing. I saw a guy trying on suits not ten feet away from a mom with four obese children rummaging through sausage. Our society--under the illusion of freedom--has lost all sense of aesthetics, as well as our beloved 'freedom'. In America we are free to work 3 jobs to barely cover rent and shop in a giant box and watch other people's 'reality' on television. Somehow we've been bamboozled. We just don't give a shit anymore.

I mean, hell, I can totally see why prisoners have something like a 90% chance of returning. They get out, can't make enough money to live in our leisure economy, and life in prison probably seems a lot better than wandering around where houses looking for sustenance just so you can go home and spend all of your free time living vicariously though someone else's made up life (3.5 hours per day of TV in America, 5.5 hrs is you include non work related computer surfing). At least in prison you don't have to worry about food and can get some exercise without the risk being clocked by some methhead in a truck.

I wouldn't walk into a Walmart if they were giving away bikes for free.

7 comments:

steve edwards said...

A response I got via email that just had to be shared:

You skippin’ yer meds?

Walmart has single handedly made this country the great nation that it is, keeping inflation in check, providing a wonderfully pleasant merchandise-acquiring-experience for the hard working men and women of America .


Those people are in prison because they choose not to follow the moral compass of Jesus Christ our Savior. They are evil doers. If it weren’t for pinko-sissies like you, our death penalty would be stronger, more quickly executed (pun intended), and the true deterrent it was intended.

Watching TV makes me feel good by not making me feel at all. Bill Cosby is my black friend.

Stop being such a tool of the left, and go eat a BIG MAC.

~Rush

Ted said...

I loves me a good rant, thanks for jumpstarting my Monday morn, Steve.

Couldn't agree more.

Brad Rassler said...

Hey Steve –

Though I understand that the combination of the proper noun “Wal-Mart,” with the common noun(s) “carbon road bike” fueled your diatribe, I want to riff on the bike for a sec.

Neither am I pleased to see Wal-Mart peddling…anything, much less a performance road bike (no Huffy, this). Why? I guess because I’m a gear snob who believes that high-end equipment should be sold by specialty bike shops, who tend not to co-merchandise fishing lures, women’s lingerie, and diapers. I’m wondering what prompted such a merchandising decision… is the expectation that road riding will soon overtake bowling as America’s most popular pastime?

I suppose that “high-end” are the operant words. The Corsa FC might be easily dismissed by the “serious” recreational cyclist, if not for the Shimano Ultegra/105 gruppo, which legitimizes the entire rig. Nice saddle, too. And speaking of the frame, did you notice it’s made in Italy (Bianchi, De Rosa, Colnago, say it ain’t so…)? Wonder what the margins are? Perhaps a tad better than my neighborhood cyclery gets on its bikes, especially since most folks wait for sales.

Can you say, “category killer?”

So, to beg the question, have the Waltons slayed a sacred carbon cow?

If so, Wal-Mart’s not the only one holding the machete.

Bastardizing Dylan:

Who killed the local cycling store? Why, an’ what’s the reason for?
Not we, says the Wal-Mart clan…
Not I, says the Japanese king of cogs…
Not I, says the costruttore di bicicletta …
Not I, say the consumer who pumps small business owners for product knowledge, and then buys on the cheap at the big-box store…

We have met the enemy, and he is…hey, long as you’re goin' to Wally World for some butt wipe, mind picking up one of them fancy carbon bikes?

rbilson said...

I have been inside a Costco exactly one time. The experience frightened me so badly that I will never go back again. Overweight people pushing over-sized carts completely full of over-sized shit they really don't need. Disgusting.

steph said...

Ok, call me naive, but I love Costco. And btw I am anti-Mart. As a poor student I find that I can buy large bulk products that are healthy. Honestly Whole "paycheck"Foods and Wild Oats are really expensive. At Costco I head straight to the cold food locker that has all sorts of bulk veggies. Please don't tell me they're GMO, they probably are. They also have salmon, some farmed, but some Atlantic and talapia which I buy and freeze. I also love the lg. container of hummus, taziki, and feta. Oh yeah and bulk spring mix, or spinach, not to mention fruit. If there was an organic farmer's market where I lived, I would be there every weekend, but that isn't the case, so you do the best you can.

Alice said...

I once went to Costco on a saturday afternoon. What I saw there made my eggs curl back into my ovaries and dry up; I also needed valium to calm the profound panic caused by the experience.

Anonymous said...

If Walmart is supposed to save you money way is it the person in front of me is always spending 100's of dollars? I like a small store where I can run in and get the one or two things I need without having to hike a mile and fight a crowd.